Yesterday I spent three hours on the phone with my executer producer friend. It started out as a conversation about business but ended in dating. Which has been a reocurring conversation amongst friends and I lately. Identifying where we can grow. Because in every relationship in order to succeed, or end amicably, you must develop a set of skills to help you keep a healthy mindset and understand others. To learn from each relationship and nurture those lessons in life.
When we initially started talking about relationships it was primarily on functioning relationships and the day-to-day things that keep them healthy. Somewhere we took a left turn and our internal dialogue awakened. He had brought this topic up several times in past conversations over the years, but this time my answer was different. I mean the idea of having a lot of lovers in one lifetime sounds fun, but doing that for the rest of our lives sounds empty and exhausting. So when he asked, “are we supposed to have only one lover for the rest of our life?” I thought about it and wondered. One great love? One love for the rest of our lives?
While I am no expert on that answer I know where I stand — which is easy. Love is a choice. It’s a safe place we trust. I don’t think we are necessarily meant to be with only one person in a lifetime, however, I believe if we choose to have one lover than we should honor that lover. Where it gets confusing for some is temptation, emotional connection, convenience and stress in a relationship — and so on. But the way I see it is I’ve been in longterm relationships for the last twenty years. Those were part of my forever lovers. I’ve taken cars for test drives and bought others. I’ve also hit cruise control for years on a solo track. I’m ready to give one person all of my love and devoted commitment. I’ve never liked fire so why would I play with something that could burn me permanently?
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Sometimes I think people feel stuck in situations because of children or finances. Emotional commitments and promises. Others grow apart because we don’t build the skills necessary to navigate our relationships. I don’t think two people should force themselves to stay in unhealthy situations for the sake of convenience however. The age old expression life is too short is the truest statement of all. You don’t get time back so why give it away? We could go in circles on this topic forever because there is no right answer. I truly believe it boils down to who you are and what you want out of your life? If you have integrity, willpower, loyalty, devotion, and on-and-on, monogamy and or commitment should be easy. But the question remains: Are we supposed to have only one lover?
At the end of the day everything we do is a choice and a chance for growth. It’s a place where we learn about ourselves and become the person we want to be. For me cheating is the biggest betrayal so I choose one love, but that doesn’t mean it has to be the same for you. It’s your choice and freedom to do what you want as long as you are living honestly with those you invite into your life. No one should look down upon anyones choices because we all have a different journey. The way I live my life and the choices I make don’t have to be yours.
There’s no perfect recipe for how to DO YOU. The balance is giving yourself what you need to be healthy. It’s practicing mindfulness and self-love. It’s listening to your heart and trusting your soul. But life is meant to be shared. “How you love yourself is how you teach others to love you.” When you grow older do you want to share a full life with one person or a lot of people? Wherever that leaves you just remember to exist in the relationships you invest in, and love the way you want to be loved.