One of the toughest things I learned in recent years is that no one is going to give you anything unless you ask for it. Not to say you won’t land a well deserved promotion, or come home to a sweet surprise from your lover. However, in most cases you have to be direct and ask for the things you want. This goes back to what I said last week about people focusing on taking care of themselves first, and simply just not being mind readers.
The approach to your hard work in business or a relationship should never begin with I will work harder. I will be better, or I will wait until they suggest it. The key is knowing exactly what you deserve and going straight to the source and asking for it. You can apply this rule in business and relationships. Here are the tools you need to get what you deserve in both.
Set The Tone
In the beginning set the tone exactly how you want things to develop. For example: If you want to be respected don’t allow anyone the power to treat you differently at any point. Your tone of voice should reflect the same. The tone you use when asking anyone for something should always be confident and considerate. When you know your value and worthiness you are capable of asking for it. If someone respects your value they will also respect you for asking for what you deserve. Oftentimes we allow fear of losing something to keep us from achieving more. If you are waiting for someone to hand you something it is never going to happen. Not as quickly as you asking for it when you deserve it. That’s what separates successful people apart from unsuccessful people. Successful people ask for the things they deserve and walk away from things that are not serving them. Don’t allow fear to keep you from your next big break or happiness. We are busy individuals; addressing something important to you might be shedding light on something someone else overlooked. However, know when someone is aware of what you deserve and not giving it to you. Take for example Catt Sadler’s career. Or my last relationship. The writing was on the wall from the beginning. People will show you who they are. Trust their actions. If they aren’t showing up for you personally or professionally don’t let them borrow anymore of your time because they aren’t respecting your tone.
Deserving Does Not Mean Serving
You know when you deserve more. You also know when someone is taking advantage of your hard work, generosity, love, etc. Never mistake you deserving more with you needing to find different ways to serve someone more so they will see your value. If you are doing a great job at work, staying late, going that extra mile, always the first one in, and making an initiative to be proactive your boss should notice. A business is only as strong as its weakest link so there is no need to withhold people from performing at the top of their potential. The same holds true in relationships. Both partners should be performing at 100% to be successful. Your boss should be aware if you are giving 110%. Your lover should know when you are functioning as equals, or if one partner is pulling the brunt of the work. If you are not being rewarded for the things you deserve you have to reevaluate the situations you are in. Do a personal and professional audit and clean up what is not serving you.
Confidence is the single most valuable asset a person can posses. If you are confident you can command anything: Action, money, love… People gravitate toward confidence because it is one of the hardest things to achieve. Not everyone has thick skin. We sometimes allow people to determine our worth and self confidence. You have to believe in yourself, your worthiness, and your ability to bring something to the table that others can benefit from when asking for it. No matter what you are asking for if you are confident in your delivery, in your actions, and in yourself, that confidence weighs more than a proven track record. Sell your confidence like a gift. You are a package but the only thing the person you are pitching can see is the wrapping. Have you ever been to a white elephant Christmas party? How do you choose the gift you want to take? By the wrapping and/or presentation. When you are asking for something you are selling your confidence in yourself and their confidence in you. So essentially you are selling confidence for someone to trust you with themself and/or their business. Look the part, act the part, be the part.
It is so important to ask for something with enthusiasm. Enthusiasm to be apart of what you are asking for. Excitement for what you can bring to the table. When you show devotion and eagerness to want to help someone else and share something beautiful together it builds trust. It creates inspiration. It opens up the chance for endless possibilities. One of the most attractive things in business or relationships is when you are as excited about their greatness and want to celebrate them. The more excitement you give to the things you are asking for the more the person you are asking is willing to allow you to be apart of it because they see you care as much as they do.
I am a firm believer no matter how much we deserve and receive we should always giveback. If someone recognizes your value and gives you what you are asking for always lead with gratitude. Prove to them everyday that they made the right decision and build on that for future opportunities and growth. Always protect the ones who protect you and help build you. They are a rarity. One day you might be in the possession to do the same for them or someone else.
These simple tools have helped me achieve things I wanted professionally and personally. They have allowed me the space to create boundaries and be clear on what I will accept versus what I won’t. When it comes to your worth you have to stand up for yourself and know your value. There are hundreds of qualified, talented, lovely people vying for the same things as you, the difference is no one is you and that is your power.